the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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