To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
