You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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