I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
