They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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