At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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