Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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