I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
