just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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