I'm lost and stupid without you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
