get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so let's talk penis.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think a kid would responsible me up
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
