The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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