wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you will always have a special place in my vag
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
