I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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