No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
