i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
