She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
