i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
