I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
