Nicole vs. Life
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
