OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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