rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
