this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
