My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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