Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
