I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
