I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
