his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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