I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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