dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
