I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
