even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
