piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
