I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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