How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
