direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize