Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
