Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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