Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
