You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize