haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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