oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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