Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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