just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
