dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
