a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
