just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
