Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We need to get me chipped asap
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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