Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize