she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
