This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
