Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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