I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
