He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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