The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dignity is for republicans.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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