i already hear my dad disowning me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
