I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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