i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
