none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
