Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
