Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
