you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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