the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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