her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
