Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
