Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
