He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
