Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
