your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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