No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
