So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
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Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize