Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
