This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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