dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
