gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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