The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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