I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
