after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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