my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
