I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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