I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he puts the penis in happiness.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize