You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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