My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
